Caring for an aging parent can be stressful. But there are simple steps you can take today that will make life easier now and in the future—for both you and your parents.
No matter how much you love your parents or how many resources you have at your disposal, caring for an aging parent can feel overwhelming—and that’s normal. You’re managing the details of not only your loved one’s daily care but also legal documents and finances. At the same time, you may be caring for other people, including your children.
That complexity leads many people to avoid planning ahead. Planning, however, is one of the best ways to ease your stress, whether you’re already caring for an aging parent or just starting to prepare, says Heidi Coombs, a Wealth Advisor for Regions Private Wealth Management.
“It’s important to know what expectations or obligations you may have down the road,” she says. “You’re not dealing with just money. You’re dealing with people, and the more prepared you can be, the easier it is to deal with both the financial situation and the personal dynamics involved.”
Many of Coombs’ clients have had high-level conversations about the topic with their parents, which is an important first step. Yet few of those conversations have covered details around how the parents would like to age, what documents and plans are in place, and what support they’ll need.
Digging into those details—and more—and building a flexible plan are key to making caring for aging parents less stressful.
Get clear about what your aging parents want and need
Clearly understanding what your parents expect lays the foundation for a strong plan. Talk about where your parents want to live, what they want to do with their time, how they want to handle end-of-life care and how you can help with their finances.
As you progress through the topics, be prepared for surprises. Don’t assume that siblings have talked with parents, or that any one sibling has all the information. You might find that a parent wants to live someplace you did not expect, or that conversations about end-of-life planning have not happened. Your expectations may be off, so conversations are crucial.
Assess available resources
Caring for an aging parent is a team sport, and everyone needs to contribute what they can.
First and foremost, you need a clear picture of the resources your parents have, from retirement accounts to long-term care insurance to Social Security.
Then, take some time to talk to your siblings or other relatives about what they can do to help. Some may have more time to contribute. Others may be able to help financially.
When assessing available resources, don’t underestimate the potential time commitment. Among the 37.1 million Americans who provided care to someone 65 or older in 2021 and 2022, the average daily time spent was 3.6 hours on the days they provided care, according to the American Time Use Survey, a project of the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
If you’re the primary caregiver, don’t be shy about asking for help. “It may be delegating tasks to someone else or simply raising your hand and asking for a break so that you’re not the one needing assistance down the road,” says Coombs.
Ensure documents are in order
Your parents might think they have all their legal documents in place, but it’s essential to double-check that everything—including wills, powers of attorney, estate plans and life insurance—is current, accurate and in a known, safe location.
The same goes for your own legal documents. No one wants to consider the possibility that they might die before their parents, but it does occasionally happen. If you’re providing financial support to your parents, update your will and other important documents so they specify how that support for your survivors will continue after you’re gone, advises Coombs.
Regularly update your plan
Life constantly changes, and so should your plan to care for your aging parents. As you make updates, be sure to factor in funding your retirement and your children’s education.
Balancing the two isn’t easy, but remember that prioritizing retirement savings lowers the chances you’ll need financial help from your own children when you’re aging. That can reduce your stress now and their stress later.
A Regions Wealth Advisor can help you build and update a plan to care for aging parents, whether doing so is already part of your daily routine or seems far in the future. “Being prepared and being ahead of the game makes the process so much easier for everyone,” says Coombs.
Talk to your Regions Wealth Advisor about:
- How to build and maintain a plan to care for aging parents.
- How to balance caring for aging parents with retirement and education planning.
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